I am a Black creative who is tired.

By Kadrian

Have you ever taken the time to reflect on what all creators have given to society?  

Creating while Black has given us Marvin Gaye’s What's Going On, Kendrick Lamar’s Alright, Solange’s A Seat at the Table, and so many others. The cry for justice is so closely connected to creation. Black creatives are regularly using the energy they have on reserve to bring beauty to topics like systemic injustice.  

For years, artists have been sought after for being culture starters and tellers. There is power in creation; it lies in the act of bringing life to places of desolation or emptiness. As an artist, I often think about the responsibility of the creator—the responsibility of bringing life and beauty to unexpected areas. Being a Black woman creator, I find the duty to create to be simultaneously beautiful, masterful, and burdensome. How can I, a Black woman, bring beauty and life to society when my world is ugly? How can I bring beauty to painful and empty stories surrounding Blackness?

To recap, here is a list of things Black people cannot do:

We can’t go to church.

We can’t drive.

We can’t jog.

We can’t be poor.

We can’t relax at home.

We can’t sleep in our own homes.

And more...

As a creator, I often wonder who is caring for those who are doing the creating. As culture shifts and justice makes high demands, who is providing beauty for the artist? Many can agree that 2020 has been full of disappointments: from a growing collection of lifeless Black bodies, to a political circus, to personal devastations. The reality that looms largest in my life is having to navigate the pressures of creating while Black. To create while Black is to create something wished for, to create something hoped for, to create something longed for. However, Black creators are tired. We are “woke” and tired.

We are tired of creating pieces that require, evoke, and demand change yet are only met with “sorries” that and no meaningful action.

The price Black creators pay to thrive in a racist society is costly. It costs our peace, energy, and vulnerability—all for the hope to still create something meaningful and beautiful. Black creatives don’t get the luxury of ignoring racial movements. This is our life. The bold strokes of our pieces are pain marks from our daily lives.

Black creatives can’t breathe…either. 

"I picked up a camera because it was my choice of weapons against what I hated most about the universe: racism, intolerance, poverty. I could have just as easily picked up a knife or a gun, like many of my childhood friends did... most of whom were murdered or put in prison... but I chose not to go that way. I felt that I could somehow subdue these evils by doing something beautiful that people recognize me by, and thus make a whole different life for myself, which has proved to be so."

- Gordon Parks